Marathon/week 3 and 4

Why is that so hard to be consistent in my notes, in my plans, why, why, why?

Maybe, because, I realized finally, I do not include myself into my plans. Meaning, in my head, there is a perfectly written everyday schedule for a perfect person with an absolutely normal and stable life. Very reluctant, though, not in a very big need of people. And proving every single day quite opposite: this person in a very big need of warmth, conversations, exchanging, laughing, support. Apart from studying hard (as I think in my head) and following this image of closed from reality person. and, the result is disappointment,  dissatisfaction. Not really productive and constructive, but showing lack of reality counted in my head.

About running, actually. I got the idea I liked a lot. Yes, it is difficult and uncomfortable, as it is supposed to be. But it is a unique tool, though, to distant from your thoughts and emotions, training skills of being present and focused. And one training might be like whole lotta life - drama, fear, sadness, loneliness, triumph, pure joy, overcoming your "No, I can't run 14,5 km" and converting it into "Every minute and kilometre matter, step by step built every single thing in this world, and that I can do to". So, matters what is done, not what could have been done.